Uncover Eremito Parrano's Hidden Italian Paradise: You Won't Believe This!
Uncover Eremito Parrano: My Soul Found Paradise (and I'm Still Buzzing!)
Okay, buckle up, because I just got back from EREMITO Parrano, and let me tell you, "hidden Italian paradise" doesn't even scratch the surface. Forget your typical, cookie-cutter hotel review. This place… this place burrowed into my soul. It was less a vacation, more a… well, a spiritual deep dive with serious luxury.
Accessibility & Practicalities: (Slightly Less Sexy, But Important!)
Let's get the boring stuff out of the way, shall we? Because, honestly, the real magic is what happened inside me.
- Accessibility: The website says it has facilities for disabled guests. I didn't personally utilize them, so call ahead to clarify specifics.
- Internet: They brag about "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" and it's true. It worked…mostly. Sometimes, embracing the slow connection might be required, though. It certainly encouraged some mindful disconnection, which, let's be honest, is what you're really there for. Internet [LAN] is a thing here, too, if you're one of those.
- Safety First, Happiness Always: They're serious about safety at this hotel. They had all the Covid-19 cleaning protocols in place, including anti-viral cleaning, daily disinfection, and staff trained in safety protocols. It felt clean. Like, I could lick the floors (maybe, ok, maybe not). They have a doctor/nurse on call and a first aid kit. They kept a physical distance of at least 1 meter, Individual-wrapped food options, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items.
- Check-in/out [express] & Check-in/out [private]: Check-in was super quick, private, friendly and simple.
- Facilities: elevator, facilities for disabled guests, food can be delivered.
Rooms: Simple Sanctuary (But Oh-So-Perfect)
The rooms? Minimalist bliss. Think a monastic cell… but with major upgrades. Lots of natural light. My room had an extra long bed, and I've never slept so deeply. Also, a private bathroom where I spent a lot of time because it was just right. Free bottled water. Complimentary tea. Now, that's a win! They're non-smoking, and you'll find a closet, coffee/tea maker, desk, hair dryer, in-room safe box, internet access – wireless, mini bar, private bathroom, refrigerator, satellite/cable channels, separate shower/bathtub, shower, slippers, soundproofing, telephone, toiletries, towels, wake-up service, and Wi-Fi [free]. I might have even enjoyed a good soak in the bathtub. Everything was incredibly clean.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: (Prepare to Feast!)
Forget the diet. Eremito is a culinary paradise. Get ready to be amazed.
- Restaurants: There are restaurants on-site.
- Breakfast [buffet]: It's a fantastic experience.
- Asian breakfast & Asian cuisine in restaurant: If you want it.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Yep.
- Bar: There's a bar.
- Poolside bar: If you fancy a drink.
- A la carte in restaurant: You can do that also.
- Buffet in restaurant.
- Happy hour.
- International cuisine in restaurant.
- Vegetarian restaurant.
- Western breakfast & Western cuisine in restaurant.
- Room service [24-hour].
- Bottle of water.
- Coffee shop.
- Desserts in restaurant.
- Salad in restaurant.
- Snack bar.
- Soup in restaurant.
- Alternative meal arrangement.
But here's a confession: I'm not a particularly spiritual person. I'm also, let's be honest, a bit of a foodie. So, I worried. Would this place be… boring? Would the food be bland?
Nope.
The food was spectacular. The kitchen is run by people who love what they do. There's a huge emphasis on organic, locally sourced ingredients. The bread! Unbelievable. The salads were bursting with flavor. The simplest pasta dish was transcendent. I ate more than I should have. I didn't feel guilty about it. It felt, dare I say, nourishing. The breakfast [buffet] was insane.
Things To Do: Finding Your Bliss (Or Just Lounging)
- Pool with view: This pool is a highlight. The view is stunning.
- Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom: I went to the sauna. Didn't talk to anyone. Pure zen.
- Massage: I skipped the massage…I know.
- Fitness center: Uh, I saw it. Did not go.
- Gym/fitness: Nope.
- Foot bath: Okay, I did this. It was amazing.
- Body scrub, Body wrap: I wasn't that ambitious.
- Swimming pool & Swimming pool [outdoor]: Yeah, those are there.
- Ways to relax: Honestly, just being there is relaxing.
Okay, here's the thing: The whole vibe of Eremito is about slowing down. There's no TV in the rooms (gasp!). No distractions. Just the gentle hum of nature, the rustle of the olive trees, and the occasional chime.
I spent an afternoon by the pool with a view, just staring out at the Umbrian hills. I felt… serene. And then I ate something unbelievably delicious. And then I napped. And then I woke up and felt amazing. Services and Conveniences: (They Thought of Everything)
- Air conditioning in public area
- Audio-visual equipment for special events
- Business facilities
- Cash withdrawal
- Concierge
- Contactless check-in/out
- Convenience store
- Currency exchange
- Daily housekeeping
- Doorman
- Dry cleaning
- Elevator
- Essential condiments
- Food delivery
- Gift/souvenir shop
- Indoor venue for special events
- Invoice provided
- Ironing service
- Laundry service
- Luggage storage
- Meeting/banquet facilities
- Outdoor venue for special events
- Projector/LED display
- Safety deposit boxes
- Terrace
- Xerox/fax in business center
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]
- Taxi service
- Valet parking
I did, however, take a yoga class offered, which helped me prepare for a good night's sleep, which was enhanced by the blackout curtains, and the soundproofing. The complimentary toiletries were lovely. The desk was good for writing and the wake-up service really worked! It had Non-smoking rooms as well.
For the Kids:
- Babysitting service
- Family/child friendly
- Kids facilities
- Kids meal
I didn't bring any kids. This is NOT a kid-centric place.
Cleanliness and Safety: (They REALLY Care)
- Anti-viral cleaning products
- Cashless payment service
- Daily disinfection in common areas
- Doctor/nurse on call
- First aid kit
- Hand sanitizer
- Hot water linen and laundry washing
- Hygiene certification
- Individually-wrapped food options
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter
- Professional-grade sanitizing services
- Room sanitization opt-out available
- Rooms sanitized between stays
- Safe dining setup
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items
- Shared stationery removed
- Staff trained in safety protocol
- Sterilizing equipment
Getting Around:
- Airport transfer
- Bicycle parking
- Car power charging station
The Imperfections… Because Nothing is Perfect.
Okay, here's a tiny, subjective nitpick. I'm more of a social butterfly than a hermit. So, while I loved the peace, there were moments I craved some conversation. Maybe a communal happy hour? Now, there's a thought.
But
Escape to Paradise: Hotel Christopher's St. Barth Luxury Awaits
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the chaotic, beautiful, and probably slightly smelly adventure that is… Eremito, Italy. And let me tell you, planning this thing was a journey in itself. Forget the perfectly curated Instagram feeds, this is going to be real-life, warts and all.
Eremito: The Monastery That May or May Not Steal Your Soul (and Then Give It Back, Probably)
Day 1: Arrival…and Immediate Panic About Being Alone
- Morning (7:00 AM -ish): Woke up with a jolt. Why did I think this was a good idea? Eremito. A monastery. In Italy. Alone. Okay, deep breaths. Coffee, or face the existential dread? Coffee wins. Brewing my own pot after a very sleepless night. Still a bit hungover from last nights wine, I should stop. (This is my first actual mistake of the trip, the wine was excellent.)
- Mid-Morning (10:00 AM): Flight landed in Rome. It was a disaster. Got stuck in traffic for a good hour or two. The taxi driver kept talking a mile a minute in Italian, and I understood maybe one word in ten. Mostly "traffic" and "expensive." He did, however, share a very enthusiastic story about his cat, which was nice.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Picked up the rental car. Panic level rising. Italian driving is…an experience. Let's just say I developed a newfound appreciation for the phrase "pedal to the metal." Lost. Immediately. Google Maps failed me in a spectacular fashion. Ended up in a field. Charming.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM): Finally, finally arrived at Eremito. The place is…stunning. Seriously. Like, jaw-droppingly beautiful. The stone, the silence, the…ahem…lack of WiFi. Uh oh. That feeling of being hopelessly, hilariously, alone, has returned. Checked in. My room is spartan, clean, and probably haunted by a friendly monk or two. Met my "guide," a woman named Sofia with a smile that could launch a thousand ships. She showed me around, told me the rules (basically, be quiet, be mindful, and don't complain…too loudly).
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner. Food is amazing and the portions are tiny. Staring at my plate a bit longingly. The other guests seem… zen. I just feel hungry. Tried to start a conversation with a woman at my table with some broken Italian but she only spoke English. I think I made her a bit nervous.
- Night (9:00 PM): Attempt at meditation in my room. Lasted maybe 5 minutes before my brain started screaming for Netflix. Decided to stare at the stars instead. Mind-blowing. Maybe, just maybe, this whole solitude thing isn't so bad. Maybe. Probably not. I'm still terrified of tomorrow.
Day 2: The Quest for Inner Peace (and a Decent Espresso)
- Morning (6:30 AM): Woke up to birdsong, which is lovely until you realize there's no coffee. Did I mention the lack of coffee? This is a crisis. Walked around the grounds. The air is crisp, the silence is…loud. Found a tiny chapel and felt immensely awkward. Prayed for caffeine.
- Mid-Morning (9:00 AM): Yoga session. My flexibility is…questionable. Spent most of the time trying not to topple over. Managed to hold a pose for approximately 3 seconds without looking like a dying lobster. Achievement unlocked!
- Late Morning (10:30 AM): Free time. Walked the trails. Got a little lost again. Talked to a grumpy donkey. He seemed to understand my anxieties better than most people. Found a hidden garden. Seriously magical. Took about 20 photos, because, priorities.
- Lunch (1:00 PM): The food is still incredible, but I'm starting to wonder if I can survive on rabbit food. (Just kidding, mostly). The others are discussing their "spiritual journeys." I'm contemplating my grocery list. Maybe I need coffee beans.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): The Experience that Changed (Everything): Sofia, realizing I was teetering on the edge of a full-blown existential crisis, suggested I sit in a cave. A real cave. Alone. In the dark. For an hour. I nearly choked on my biscotti. But something compelled me. So, I did. And… well, it was transformative. Honestly. No, I didn't see God or have a blinding revelation. But after the initial panic of being surrounded by darkness and silence it was very freeing.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner. Tried more Italian and only mangaged to order a carrot. At least I was less nervous. The other guest are starting to be very interesting.
- Night (9:00 PM): Journaled (surprisingly). Felt a tiny flicker of something…calm. Or maybe it was just exhaustion from the cave. Either way, wrote about the day, and then, fell asleep.
Day 3: Embracing the Quiet (and Planning My Escape Route)
- Morning (7:00 AM): Woke up feeling…different. Maybe it was the cave. Or maybe it was the sheer beauty of the sunrise over the Umbrian hills. Or maybe it was just the fact that I hadn't had a full-blown freak-out in twelve hours. Either way, positive vibes. Went for another walk. The donkey winked at me.
- Mid-Morning (9:00 AM): Cooking class! Oh, sweet relief! Finally, something I'm good at. Learned how to make fresh pasta with basil and garlic. Ate approximately half of it. Regretted nothing.
- Late Morning (11:00 AM): The group had a discussion. Many were very intellectual. I just nodded.
- Lunch (1:00 PM): The food is still a work of art. Started sharing stories with some of the others. Turns out, everyone's got their own brand of crazy. Felt like a human again.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Explored the surrounding area. Drove into the nearby town of Parrano. Bought some coffee beans. Victory! Also, bought a bottle of local wine. (For "research" purposes, obviously).
- Evening (5:00 PM): Back at Eremito. Took a very long shower. Felt like I was washing away all the stress.
- Night (7:00 PM): Dinner. More wine with the others. Laughter. Real laughter. Realized, with a distinct thud of "oh shit," that I'm actually enjoying myself.
- Night (9:00 PM): Sat outside, listening to the crickets. The stars are unbelievable. Maybe, just maybe, I could get used to this whole "monastery" thing. Maybe. But probably not. Still, I'm not quite so terrified of tomorrow.
Day 4: Departure…and a Lasting Impression
- Morning (7:00 AM): Woke up with a pang of sadness. Goodbye, Eremito. But, also, goodbye, silence and solitude. I miss my cat.
- Mid-Morning (9:00 AM): Farewell breakfast. Exchanged contact info with some of the other guests. Made a promise to stay in touch. (I’ll probably forget…)
- Late Morning (10:00 AM): Said goodbye to Sofia. Hugged her, hard.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM): The drive down felt different. I wasn't panicked, but I was a bit sad. Still drove too fast.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Returned the rental car. The guy seemed a little annoyed that I'd brought it back unscathed.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Arrival in Rome. Back in the chaos. Felt strangely grounded.
- Night (9:00 PM): Ate a pizza. It was amazing. Wondering if I will return to Eremito… Yes! I must.
Final Thoughts:
Eremito wasn't just a trip. It was a messy,
Escape to Paradise: Costeira Palace's All-Inclusive Luxury in Natal, Brazil
So, uh, what *is* this whole thing about? Like, *really*?
Alright, alright, settle down. You want the *gist*, right? Fine. Let's say it's a collection of questions and answers about... well, things. Life. The universe. Probably a few things that went sideways in my kitchen this morning. Basically, stuff you might actually *wonder* about, not the perfectly polished, corporate-speak answers you usually get. Think of me as the slightly unhinged friend who actually *understands* your confusion. And, honestly? Mine too. So, welcome to the mess.
Why is this FAQ... so *long*? And, frankly, a bit all over the place?
Okay, first of all, rude. Just kidding (mostly). Look, I'm not a machine. I'm not programmed for brevity and efficiency. I'm a *human*. And humans? We ramble. We get distracted by shiny objects (like, oh, a stray thought about the existential dread of lukewarm coffee). We revisit things because, hey, sometimes the first answer just wasn't the *best* answer, you know? Plus, I'm trying to be, you know, *real*. And real life is… well, it’s a bit of a chaotic mess. Deal with it.
But... what if I just want a *straight* answer? No fluff, no stories, just the facts, ma'am/sir?
Bless your heart. You're in the wrong place, my friend. Seriously. This is not the spot for you if you want the perfectly polished bullet-point version. Go. Run! Find yourself a ChatGPT bot or something if you want the dry, robotic regurgitation of facts. This… this is where the heart goes, the soul spills out, and the occasional existential crisis makes a cameo. Fair warning, I guess. Actually, maybe I *should* have a trigger warning. For... uh... truth.
Okay, okay, I get it. So, what *specifically* will this… thing... *cover*?
Ah, now we’re talking. Honestly? Who *knows*? See, that’s part of the fun… or the horror. It will, undoubtedly, cover a wide range of topics that have probably spun around in my brain-space, and probably some of yours too. Expect to see some rants about… well, everything. Expect some overly enthusiastic opinions about things I am passionate about. Expect some raw emotion, like the time I *almost* cried because I couldn't find my favorite pen. (Don’t judge me!) Seriously though, expect the unexpected. It's that kind of deal.
So, is this thing… about *you*? Like, a personal rant-fest?
You’re catching on! Yes, in a nutshell, it *is* about me, in that I’m the filter, the voice, the… well, the crazy person behind all of this. But I'm hoping it's more than just me-me-me. It's about connecting, sharing, and maybe, just maybe, finding a little bit of common ground with other humans out there who also think “what the heck?” at least once a day. Because, trust me, even though I've gone on like a caffeinated hummingbird for the past few minutes, I'm pretty sure you're just as weird as me. And that makes us even.
Will there be *actual* answers? Or just… well, this?
Good question! And the answer is… both. *Some* questions will get proper answers, with, you know, facts, explanations, the occasional bit of helpful advice. But they'll be delivered with a healthy dose of *my* perspective. Other questions will be a springboard for rambling, storytelling, and possibly even some self-deprecating humor. It’s a mixed bag, a veritable buffet of thought. Choose your own adventure!
Okay, so this *sounds*… messy. Will it be *organized* at least?
Oh, honey. Bless your little heart, you poor, sweet, hope-filled thing. Organized? Let's just say I'm *working on* it. The general idea is... uh… there will be headings? And questions? And… answers? Look, I'm not a librarian, okay? I'm winging it! There will be subheadings, sometimes. Maybe! Just… try to go with the flow. Think of it as a slightly chaotic, yet well-intentioned, journey. Think of it as a train wreck. That's probably closer to the truth...
What if I don't *agree* with your answers?
Fantastic! Please, *please* tell me about it! This is NOT a one-way street. I *thrive* on disagreement (as long as you're not being a jerk about it). Send me your counter-arguments, your own perspectives, your crazy stories! The more perspectives, the better, right? I'll probably argue back, just because I'm me. But I’m genuinely interested in what you think. Unless what you think is that pineapple belongs on pizza. Then we might have a problem. A big, messy, potentially food-fight-inducing problem.
Can I ask *my own* questions?
YES, absolutely YES! Please, bombard me with questions! The more, the merrier! I’m always looking for new things to ponder, obsess over, and… well, over-analyze until the wee hours of the morning. Send them my way! Bring on the brain-benders! Bring on the existential crises! (Just… maybe not *too* many existential crises. I'm only human, you know?) But yes. Please ask. You’ll be doing yourself a favor. And me.
Is there a *point* to all this?
You know, that's a tough one. Existentially, yes. At a very basicStayin The Heart
